Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Power of Goodbye

The end of a relationship can be incredibly painful. In general, breakups are viewed as something negative. If a breakup occurs in a marriage it can cause a multitude of issues. Financial problems, or changing socio-economic status after a divorce are common. If children are involved, it can be incredibly painful trying to find a new routines and working out visitation. Lets not forget the personal and psychological pain associated frequently with break ups. The stress can do havoc on the body and the mind.

I am sure just about everyone reading this blog can relate to the discomfort of a break up at one time or another. It can hurt like hell and its immediate effects are stinging, but can it be a good thing? Is it ever a good thing? Absolutely! Frequently, many positives do arise after the process of grieving a past relationship is over.

Failures in relationships can teach us great lessons about learning to have a successful relationship with the next person. When we reflect on the past relationships and take responsibility for our role, it can provoke great personal evolution. It gives us the opportunity to change negative patterns, attract partners that we may be more compatible with, and certainly gives us a better idea of what we want and what we don’t want. Healthy communication skills are just that SKILLS; we learn them. Quite frequently it is the painful lessons in life that are our greatest teachers.

In addition to developing better skills to manage conflict in relationships, breakups can empower an individual to be independent. Leaving a relationship that doesn’t have an equal distribution of power, can help the person with “less power” realize they can be on their own. Becoming single can cause an individual to also explore new interests that have not been explored before. It is not uncommon to find a “new passion” during this time of personal growth. The end result can lead to a happier life.

Frequently, out of frustration after many failed relationships a person will be motivated to seek out new tools to inject into romantic relationships, because they are tired of the “same ole” situation happen. I once heard a dear friend of mine tell me that after a couple of failed marriages she had a revelation one night; she was out with a new beau and thought to herself “this is the same guy I always date-I’m sick of it.” She broke off the relationship with him, made some adjustments in herself, and is now is a successful relationship with someone she is crazy about.

Leaving a relationship or going through a breakup will not guarantee the next relationship to be better; however, if the person deeply reflects and develops a consciousness of how they relate in relationships, it is possible to attract a more positive situation. As painful as the initial impact of a breakup can be, it can lead to something powerful.

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