Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Please Don't Leave Me

For the past week I have been listening to the song Please Don’t Leave Me by Pink. In my listening “obsession,” a friend commented, “ If you haven’t seen the video…DON’T…it will ruin the song.” Well, in my naturally rebellious nature…I had to look at the video. I had a powerful response, but very different from my friends. I was fascinated by the visual story that the video communicated.

* Disclaimer * Some content may be disturbing to viewer.

I couldn’t help but think that this is what happens to our emotions when we start to engage in consistent negative communication and interaction with our romantic partners. Over time the wounding increases and eventually kills the relationship if new, healthy patterns are not created. The emotional wounds that partners create in constant verbal conflict do not visually appear, but I felt that this video gave an awesome representation of the destructive cycle of unhealthy communication patterns in romantic relationships. Though couples may not be using golf clubs to cause injury, every insult or verbal attack can break the heart and the spirit a little more.

RESPECT is probably one of the most important ingredients in a relationship. Even while engaging in conflict, if the goal and intention is to keep collaborating as a couple and not compete together, it can avoid such emotional injury. Conflict in a relationship is normal… and can create a positive growth for the couples. It is through constructive engagement in conflict that people begin to line up their values and goals.

Relationships will always have a never-ending evolutionary process. We as humans change over time. We may keep the same value system, though our priorities may reorganize several times in our life. So, when we think that two people who are constantly changing are trying to navigate together, conflict is unavoidable. However, how we approach the conflict can make all the difference in the world if the relationship is healthy or sustains through stressful times.

So next time you have disagreement of issue with your mate, think about how you are going to approach the issue. Is your goal to compete, or to mutually collaborate in finding the best solution for both people involved in the situation. Remember, communication is the foundation of all relationships. How one chooses to engage in communication will determine the direction that relationship takes. When BOTH partners inject such consciousness, who would want to leave?

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